The longer day
by Rufus J ShinRa1
Summary: The sequal to the longest day. Once again Luca Blight plans against the stars of Destiny. Can they defeat his new evil plan? Plus McDohl get's his own radio show and can McDohl and Kenji survive in the woods without killing each other. Find out in the hil


  
  
  
Suikoden II: The Longer day  
  
A lot of these jokes come from Cartoon Networks Adult cartoon : Sealab 2021 and as you all know from the last one my Hero's name was Kenji, my castle Inabyama and my army Namagari. Oh and this has bad cussing and a little bit of sexual things.  
  
  
  
Part 1: Toilet problems  
  
  
  
It was a happy day. Very happy. One might even say it was so happy it was happy. It was so happy our two Heros Kenji Genkaku and Mikado McDohl were playing cards while the arouma of Ellie's warm apple pie filled the castle.   
  
No not that apple pie you hentai sicko.  
  
The great leader of the Namagari had lost. Maybe it was because he was less cool then McDohl. Yeah that was probably it. Anyone who considered two sticks of wood weapons must be out of thier fucking mind.  
  
"Ha! I win again you dumbass!" McDohl said. Kenji turned over to the other person playing.  
  
"What say you Sir Humphery?" Kenji asked.  
  
"....." Was Humphrey's usual response while holding his long sword (both of them) that's why he say's ! instead of .  
  
Suddenly Ellie went running into the room.  
  
"Lord Kenji I must show you something!" She said. Kenji and Ellie went into thier respected rooms.  
  
"Nice Apple Pie Ellie." Kenji's voice came.  
  
"Not that you dumbass! THESE!" The voice replied.   
  
"Wow! One of them's an innie and the other is an outie!" Kenji's voice replied. McDohl stared at Humphery.  
  
"You fucking moron say somthing." McDohl said. Humphrey oubviously did not reply. McDohl took out his Heaven Fang Staff and yelled.  
  
"SAY SOMTHING!" He yelled.  
  
"......" Humphrey said.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR GOING TO KILL HER!" McDohl said. Humphrey still stared.  
  
"NO I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL! YOU ARE!" He shouted. McDohl then ran away.  
  
(Meanwhile....in another part of the castle)  
  
"Ahhhh...." Flik said and pulled up his pants. He then proceeded to flush the toilet. Nothing.  
  
"What?" He cried. He tried to flush it again and again. Still nothing.  
  
"FLUSH DAMMIT!!!!: Flik screamed and pulled out his sword. Still nothing.  
  
"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Flik said and fell to the floor in agony.  
  
(Underneath the castle)  
  
"Dumbasses." Seed thought. Under Prince Luca Blight's orders he was to cut the pipes and sabatoge Inabyama Castle's sanitation system. How the hell that would stop them he didn't know and didn't really give a fuck. He would stop the Namagari army, The 108 stars of destiny and have Highland take over the Jowston Leauge of City States. Mwahahahha. The Highland general wiped his brow as he cut more pipes with his sword.  
  
"And there goes pipe #2." Seed said and cut it. It was a truely evil plan.  
  
"Now...what else should I sabatoge?" Seed said. He could of been smart and destroyed all thier rations but he decided to be a dumbass and decided to cut more of the sanitation pipes. What a fucking dumbass.  
  
(Roof of castle)  
  
McDohl sat on top of the castle looking heroic.  
  
"I am cooler than Genkaku's stupid son. I AM THE BEST HERO EVER!" McDohl said and rose.  
  
"I AM TO BE A GOLDEN GOD! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!!!!! NOTHING CAN STOP ME! NO ONE CONTROLS ME!" McDohl screamed. Rina came to the top of the castle.  
  
"McDohl Gremio want's you to be home by 10 p.m. tonight." Rina said. McDohl snapped his fingers.  
  
"Aw, shit. I'm not a member of this stupid army so I have to go home! I just support them!" McDohl whined.   
  
"THE TOILETS!" A scream came. McDohl shot up.  
  
"The toiletrs are in trouble? THIS SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR.....ME!!!!!" McDohl ran down the halls into the castle and met with Kenji.  
  
"Hey Lord Dumbass leader of an army not as good as mine." McDohl said to Kenji.  
  
"You know half the people from your army are now in mine." Kenji said.  
  
"SHUT UP WATERMELON HEAD!" McDohl said and ran to the bathrooms.  
  
"I AM HERE TO SAVE THE BATHROOMS! FOR I AM- ummmm....COOLER THAN KENJI! HA! HA! HA!" McDohl said and grabbed a plunger. Sticking the plunger in the hole of the toilet he soon found the mess that Flik made when the toilet got stuck.   
  
"Aw shit." McDohl said.  
  
"You can say that again." Said Flik looking at his mess. McDohl looked down.  
  
"WE MUST FIND THE CULPRIT! SEARCH THE CASTLE!"  
  
(Underground)  
  
Wahahahahahha!!!!!!! Seed cackled. He cut the pipes of more toilets.   
  
"SUCKS TO BE YOU!" Seed said as he cut the wires for the electricity. That fiend. Now thier PS2's were immobile.   
  
(Castle's game room)  
  
"NNNNOOOO!" Viktor yelled. He just beat Ruby WEAPON in FF7 and the screen went off. Next to him Sheena was playing Final Tactics and he just beat Veluis...poor soul. And in the other room they were showing the super last ending episode of the X-files which Shu was very fond of. He sat there eating popcorn and had his hands down his pants playing "pocket pool" as he watched.  
  
"Mulder your father is-" The t.v. said and shut off. The Namagari stratigist yelled as hard as he could.  
  
"NO! NO! NO!" Shu screamed. He ran around the castle screaming.  
  
(Basement)  
  
McDohl walked through the dripping under parts of Inabyama castle. Since flashlights in the Suikoden world hadn't been invented but strangly video games had this was strange.  
  
"Hey it's pretty scary down here." McDohl said. Suddenly a man in a brown coat with a flashlight in his coat pocket came up.  
  
"Have you seen a little girl around here? Short Black hair only seven?" He said. McDohl kicked his ass and took his flashlight. Good thing a Silent Hill charachter dropped with his "advanced" technology.  
  
"Thank you." McDohl said and proceeded through the basement.   
  
He opened the door and there stood none other than Seed!  
  
"AHHH!" Seed cried. He tried to run away but was blasted by the power of the Soul Eater.  
  
"Okay! I'm going to make you sorry for making the toilets not work and cutting the electricity off!" McDohl said.  
  
"W-what are you going to do?" Seed cried.  
  
"I'm gonna make you do somthing that has to be done." McDohl smiled.  
  
(Castle, entertainment room)  
  
Seed stood on stage with a Luca puppet on his knee.  
  
"So Prince Luca what's your favorite song." Seed said to the puppet. Seed then did the stupidist thing ever.  
  
"Ummm...DIE PIGS DIE!" Seed said for the Luca puppet. No one laughed and they threw all sorts of crap at him. This was his punishment. To be an unsucessfull stage preformer. Kenji came up onto the stage.  
  
"Okay Seed you've sucked enough. You can go home now." Kenji said. Seed ran out as fast as he could. Than McDohl came to the stage.  
  
"Hey Watermelon head! Are you gonna make a preformence you loser?" McDohl shouted.  
  
"Stop calling me that Mr. I-don't know what sex is!" Kenji shouted. McDohl turned mad.  
  
"FOR THE LAST TIME I GO TO THE BATHROOM WITH THAT THING YOU FUCKING WATERMELON HEAD! YOUR HEAD IS SHAPED LIKE A WATERMELON!" McDohl said and ran off.   
  
Part 2: The McDohl radio show  
  
"Bored,Bored,Bored." McDohl said pacing around Inabyama castle. He once again left his house in Gregminster being the good hidden charachter he was to assist the Namagari army...and make fun of Kenji because he was the cooler Hero then him plus McDohl was the one who over threw the Scarlet Moon Empire.  
  
"Damn...Hey what's this equipment?" McDohl said looking at a bunch of computer equipment.  
  
"It's a radio transmitter...it can reach anywhere on the globe." Kenji said. McDohl smiled.  
  
"I have an idea! I'll start my own pirate radio station." McDohl said and tapped into the equipment.  
  
"Hello everyone this is Mikado McDohl and this my show. Ummm...Kenji sucks! I bet he does it with Ellie and Nanami every night!" McDohl said.  
  
"Okay now that was just uncalled for!" Kenji said. McDohl tapped into the equipment again and put on his headset.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen...here is a recorded voice that matches Kenji's." McDohl said and pressed a button that made the computer imitate Kenji's voice.  
  
"INCEST IS THE VERY BEST! KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY!" Kenji's computerized voice sang.  
  
"I DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!" Kenji yelled. McDohl looked at the radio equipment and printed out a piece of paper.  
  
"YES! I'M THE #4 PERSON ON THE AIR! LET'S MAKE A PRANK PHONE CALL!" McDohl said.  
  
(Gustav's room)  
  
"Hello?" Gustav said picking up his phone.  
  
"Did you know that the Highland army is attacking Tinto?" McDohl asked. Gustav looked outside.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" He cried. McDohl's voice laughed.  
  
"Ha! Ha! Ha! Got ya!" The voice said on the phone. Gustav laughed.  
  
"McDohl...I can't start my morning without you!" He laughed.  
  
"Uh-oh we have an asskisser! I'm going to have to ZING him!" McDohl laughed.  
  
"The ultimante ZING!" A computer voice said.  
  
(Inabyama castle)  
  
"Hey...now I will be accepting phone calls. What do the people of the world think of Kenji?" McDohl asked. The first caller came in.  
  
"I think he's a Watermelon head." He said.  
  
"Yeah, real orginal. You kiss my ass more than Gustav." McDohl said. He pressed the button for the next caller.  
  
"I think he's a dumbass who uses stupid sticks as a weapon and who is the dumbest leader alive." The next caller said. Kenji was pissed.  
  
"Stop this now McDohl." Kenji said. McDohl pressed the button for the next caller.  
  
"I think he's a great leader! You should-" The person started out but was drowned out by farting sound effects which played because McDohl kept pressing the sound effect button labled "Fart".  
  
"NOW THAT'S JUST NOT APPROPRIATE!" The caller said but was ZINGED and thrown off the air.  
  
"Guess the majorty of the world thinks you suck Kenji." McDohl said. Kenji was pissed.  
  
"You'll get your due soon Mikado." Kenji said.  
  
(L'Renioulle)  
  
The Highland generals sat at a huge table.  
  
"That dumbass keeps calling me and telling me I'm a necrofiliac who watches I love lucy on a continuies loop! That's only the half truth!" Culgan complained. Yuber groaned.  
  
"He said I wear women's underwear! I only do that on Saturdays or when I'm feeling raunchy." Yuber said. Luca groaned.  
  
"Okay I wonder who did this...could it be wild crazy McDohl?" Luca asked. Everyone shrugged.  
  
"We will find out soon..." Yuber said and reached down his armor and adjusted his panties.  
  
(Inabyama Castle)  
  
"So what's happening in the news so far? Hmmmm...from what I can see Ally McBeal is so skinny she needs an Alley McMeal!" McDOhl lauged making more cruel jokes.  
  
"Oh and here are things that are going on in Muse. It seems that Jess smokes more weed than five Bob Marley's! HA! HA! HA!" McDohl said.  
  
(Muse)  
  
"Marjuana? NO! I'D NEVER!" Jess said. The State soliders opened his cabnits to find baggies of Marajuana 5,000 boxes of illegal porno and pictures of him....ugh...to gross to say to a goat. The State soliders dragged that sick bastard to jail while Jess cursed McDohl.  
  
(Inabyama castle)  
  
"Okay folks we have here the mysterious solider known as Clive.  
  
"Hello everyone. I just have one question for the audiance." Clive said.  
  
"What?" McDohl asked.  
  
"WHERE THE LIVING FUCK IS ELZA! TELL ME YOU FUCKING DIRTY SONS OF FUCKING BITCHES! That's all." Clive said.  
  
"Okay...." McDohl said and opened the lines for calling.  
  
"Hi McDohl I have a question for Clive." A caller said.  
  
"Yeah, fine. Hurry the fuck up." McDohl said on the other line. The person on the other line lauged.  
  
"You are suck a kidder McDohl!" The caller said.  
  
"No I mean it. Before I tell you more stories of Kenji banging his sister." McDohl said.  
  
"I DID NOT!" Kenji's voice came.   
  
"DAMN I I MUST FIND ELZA!" Clive said and darted out of the room.  
  
"Okay we lost him. Oh well. Maybe someone can go adjust Yuber's panties. HA! HA! HA!" The call button came on again.  
  
"Hi this is Fei Fong Wong from the game Xenogears. I know as a fact that I am much cooler than both you guys. But I would like to say that your very mean McDohl. I'm gonna come down with gear and woop your ass." Fei's voice said.  
  
"Ummm....I don't mean what I say. Gorudo made me do it." McDohl said.  
  
"Oh really" Fei said.  
  
  
  
(Matilda)  
  
Gorudo was having his morning coffee. All of a sudden roof blew open and floating there was a huge white robot. Fei grinned.  
  
"Take this you mean son of a bitch!" Fei yelled and Xenogears (Also the name of his gear for those of you who haven't played) charged up a huge ball of energy at Gorudo.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!!!" Gorudo yelled trying to run away as fast as his fat ass would carry him. He barely made it down stairs.  
  
"I...think...I lost...him." Gorudo said. The wall burst open and Xenogears clutched Gorudo in it's huge hand. Xenogears flew up and dropped Gorudo into a pit full of Nanami fans and was beaten to bloody pulp with sticks.  
  
(Inabyama castle)  
  
"HA! HA! HA! HA!" McDohl lauged. He loved causing havoc. Kenji was mad.  
  
"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO FIND YOU OUT YOU KNOW!" Kenji said.  
  
"Ha! Who would ever know that I McDohl is broadcasting this from Inabyama castle!"   
  
"Ummmm....McDohl your still on the air." Kenji said. McDohl gasped.  
  
(L'Renioulle)  
  
"I KNEW IT! SEND A BEAM OF SUPER PURE EVIL BLACK MAGIC(TM) AT INABYAMA CASTLE!" Luca screamed.  
  
"Pay back time!" Seed said and he and Yuber went to the roof where off in the very far distance was Inabyma castle hundreds of miles away but very hittable by the power of thier Super Pure Evil Black Magic cannon (TM).  
  
"The cannon....FIRE!" Seed ordered to Yuber. Yuber shot the beam at Inabyama castle. Seed and Yuber high-fived each other.  
  
"SUFFER BITCH!" Seed yelled.  
  
  
(Inabyama castle)  
  
"Lord Kenji there's a beam of Super Pure Evil Black Magic(TM) coming at us!" A Namagari solider said.  
  
"McDohl you idiot you've killed us all!" Kenji said.  
  
"I guess we need one last ZING." McDohl said and pressed the button.  
  
"The ultimainte ZING!" The computer voice said. McDohl did a wolf howl and the castle was blown to smithereens.  
  
PART 3: The worst part of today  
  
Somehow the Namagari army and all the Stars of Destiny survived the blast. Probably that the "hero never dies unless it has something to make the game emotional thing." was going on and with thier super fast building skills the castle was back to normal in two hours. McDohl was givin 4,000 lashes and had to watch an olsen twins movie before they let him back in. Somehow he didn't have to many wounds after the ordeal. (See how restoring your HP through runes helps?)   
  
Kenji had woken up early this fine and happy morning next to Ellie as usual. The door opened and a solider brought him a cup of coffee.  
  
"A man with a scar on his face would like to see you sir." The solider said and walked out. Gremio stood there.  
  
"Why Hello Lord Kenji. Young Master McDohl didn't come home today and I was wondering if he was here?" Gremio asked.  
  
"I wish he was burning in hell but he's in the bar right now with Kasumi." Kenji said.  
  
"WHY HE IS ONLY 19! HE CAN'T DRINK!" Gremio said and ran to the bar. There McDohl was drunk off his ass with a bottle of imported vodka was next to him.  
  
"McDohl...let's have sex." Kasumi said.  
  
"No....I already told you....I go....to the....bathroom with that that-BLARG!" McDohl said and threw up.  
  
"Damn even when your drunk your the same. Just let me give you head." Kasumi said looking at the person who she wanted to be her boyfriend.  
  
"Fine...." McDohl said. Kasumi crawled under the table and McDohl's face twisted.  
  
"Hey...not bad. This feels good.......URK!" McDohl said but his moment of bliss was cut off when Gremio came into the room.  
  
"YOUNG MASTER MCDOHL! FIRST YOU DRINK AND NOW YOUR NINJA GIRLFRIEND IS GIVING YOU....What's it called?" Gremio asked. Kasumi came up from the table.  
  
"Head." She said. Gremio was angry.  
  
"Were going home now Young Master." Gremio said and drug McDohl away.  
  
"WAIT! I HEAR THE FLOWER CHILDREN CALLING! HEEE! HEE! MAN I'M WASTED!" The leader of the former Liberation Army said. On another part of the bar Flik and Viktor were at thier old conversation.  
  
"Listen! Yaoi is an okay thing!" Flik said.  
  
"NO IT ISN'T!" Viktor said. Flik drew his sword and Viktor smashed a glass bottle against the table.  
  
"Cut it out!" Leona said. Flik and Viktor stopped and went back to drinking.  
  
  
(L'Renioulle)  
  
"I have a new plan against the Stars of Destiny!" Luca yelled. Jowy looked up from his magazine.  
  
"What?" He said.  
  
"We somehow get McDohl and Kenji in the woods together. Knowing how they hate each other's guts they will go insane and kill each other. Then the Namagari army will fall apart." Luca said.  
  
"....." Jowy said and went back to his magazine.  
  
  
  
(Inabyama castle)  
  
"What's this?" Kenji said and opened a letter adressed to him.  
  
"You are herebye invited to the middle of the dark evil forest for a party." Kenji said.  
  
"YEAH! SEE YOU LATER!" Kenj cried and ran down out of the castle.  
  
  
(McDohl family mansion)  
  
"Young Master a message has come for you." Cleo said and handed him a letter.  
  
"KICK ASS! A PARTY! WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!" McDohl said and ran out of the house.  
  
"No dinner?" Gremio asked. Pahn got up.  
  
"I'll have some dinner Gremio." Pahn said.  
  
"Go fuck yourself Pahn." Gremio said.   
  
"Okay." Pahn said and went to his room and the unzipping of pants was heard.  
  
(Dark evil forest)  
  
"hey where is everyone?" Kenji said lost in the forest. McDohl came into the scene with a map and backpack.  
  
"Hey where's the party. Oh well...might as well drink some more Vodka." McDohl said and saw Kenji.  
  
"Hey Watermelon-head why are you here?" McDohl said.  
  
"I am here for a party dumbass." Kenji said. McDohl glared and looked around.  
  
"It looks like Luca Blight tricked us. Damn of all places and with you!" McDohl said.  
  
"Shut up McNugget." Kenji said.  
  
"Don't call me that!" McDohl said. Kenji turned red.  
  
"Hey fuck you. I'm getting out of-AHHHHH!!!!!!" Kenji said as a huge monster came out. He was about to eat Kenji but a burst of black energy sent it into nothingness.  
  
"Ha! Simple." McDohl said holding his right hand with the soul-eater rune attactched.  
  
"I didn't need your help!" Kenji said. He walked off into the forest.  
  
"HEY WAIT FOR ME!" McDohl said and ran after them.  
  
(An even thicker part of the forest)  
  
"Hey look! A cabin!" McDohl said. The two hero's hurried inside and saw and old man on a rocking chair.  
  
"Who are you guys?" The old man said.  
  
"I am Sir Kenji Genkaku and this is McNugget." Kenji said.  
  
"SHUT UP!" McDohl said. He then stepped forward. "I am General Mikado McDohl and I request to have quarter in your humble home my good sir." McDohl said.  
  
"Don't sound so formal retard." Kenji said. McDohlknocked him over the head and Kenji fell unconcious.  
  
"Sure I'll be more than happy to-ACK!" The man said and he fell tot he floor and died of a heart attack. Kenji got up.  
  
"Good going McNugget." Kenji said.  
  
"I thought you were dead." McDohl said sternley.  
  
(Inabyama castle)  
  
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ELZA!" Clive screamed at his beeping alarm clock as he got up.   
  
"WHY DO YOU BUZZ IN MY FACE! DIE!" Clive said and shot the alarm clock. He went down to the bar. He picked Kasumi up by the shirt.  
  
"I FOUND YOU ELZA!" Clive screamed.  
  
"SOMEBODY HELP!" Kasumi cried.  
  
"Oh so your scared of me now?" Clive said. Flik came in.  
  
"That's not Elza you fool." Flik said. Clive dropped Kasumi and looked at him.  
  
"Elza? What happened? Where are your tits?" Clive said feeling Flik's chest. Flik knocked him out and Nanami came down.  
  
"Hey have you seen my brother?" Nanami asked. Flik nodded.  
  
"He said he was going to go to the dark evil woods to go to a party." Flik said.  
  
"AH! MY NANAMI SENSE IS TINGILING! HE'S IN TROUBLE!" Nanami said and ran out.   
  
  
(Cabin)  
  
"Food..." Kenji said and saw McDohl eatingf a piece of bread.  
  
"GIMME THAT OR I'LL KILL YOU!" Kenji screamed.  
  
"You and what army?" McDohl said.  
  
"The Namagari army." Kenji said.  
  
"....that's a good army." McDohl said. Kenji grabbed for it but McDohl's staff smashed his face in. Kenji jumped up and pulled out his tonfa's and attacked. McDohl whacked him in the stomach and Kenji hit his in the face with one Tonfa and twirled the other one around and smashed it onto his head like a nightstick.  
  
"Take that McNugget!" Kenji said.  
  
"DIE WATERMELON HEAD!" McDohl said and they clashed weapons. All of a sudden Nanami came in.  
  
"STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!" She cried. They both stopped.  
  
"Nanami?" Kenji said. Nanami stepped forward.  
  
"Good thing my Nanami sense told me where you were I-IT's TINGILING AGAIN!" Nanami said and an arrow struck her.  
  
"Dammit not again." Nanami said and fell to the floor. There stood Luca Blight with an archer.  
  
"HA! HA! HA! Now I shall kill you both!" Luca said and drew his sword. Kenji and McDohl got up. Luca grabbed McDohl by the throat.  
  
"HELP HE'S TRYING TO GRAB MY WIENER!" McDohl said and kicked him in the nuts and Luca dropped him.  
  
"DOUBLE LEADER ATTACK!" They cried and beat the living shit out of Luca Blight. Luca got up and slashed them both and they fell to the ground.  
  
"DIE PIGS!" Luca yelled. All of a sudden Nanami got up, pulled the arrow out, killed the archer and shot Luca Blight in the back with a crossbow. She reloaded and fired about five more times. Like normal Luca wasn't dead and he ran away swearing revenge.  
  
"hey you guy's okay?" Nanami said. McDohl and Kenji were on the floor bleeding.  
  
"DAMMIT MCNUGGET THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Kenji said.  
  
"Shut up dumbass." McDohl said. Nanami hoisted them both on her back and she carried them back to the castle.  
  
"I wonder if Kasmumi will give me that "head" thing again." McDohl said as Nanami carried them under the sunset.  
  
THE END  
  
WEEEEEE! DONE! NOW BE NICE AND REVIEW! PLEASE?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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